As a mom of a child with Selective Mutism, there are days that can feel really hard. There are also days that can feel like such a breakthrough. Celebrating the small wins and breakthroughs when they happen is so exciting.
Different types of wins
I think of small wins falling into two major buckets.
- Goals or tasks that we are working on between therapy sessions
- Spontaneous bravery
Celebrating Goals
The goals that we are working on may have a reward attached to it. This sometimes helps motivate my son to do it. I say sometimes because I’ve found that it really depends on how hard the task feels to him whether or not a reward will motivate him. When they do, we have given him the option of what the reward will be. Often he picks getting ice cream. These are fun to celebrate because we keep track of how far along we are toward meeting the goal and once we’ve reached it pick a special time to celebrate.
Spontaneous Bravery
The spontaneous bravery are the ones that sneak up on me. These often bring me tears because I am so proud of him. When I say small wins they can be a range of how big of a step they are. Regardless of how big they all feel important nonetheless.
One small win we had was when we actually didn’t realize he had selective mutism yet. It was his second day of daycare at his new school. (See this blog post for the backstory on that move). We knew at this point that he had a hard time interacting with kids he didn’t know. The first day they said he didn’t interact much but did a good job. The second day they sent us a picture of him smiling and interacting with the other kids just not verbally. No he wasn’t brave speaking at that point, but seeing him smiling with kids he didn’t really know was a small win at that point.
Fast forward nine months and my son and husband came home from pickup and talked about how he said goodbye to his classmates that night. Up until that point they had never heard him speak. I kept it together when they told me about it and told him I was proud of him for brave talking. This lasted for a few weeks where he would only talk at drop off and pick up when my husband or I was present.
Then one day I got a video from his daycare of him talking to his friends and teacher without us there! I probably watched the video dozens of times and ugly cried. Thankfully I was working from home that day. I was so proud of him and this breakthrough felt so big!
Celebrating Spontaneous Bravery
The “celebrations” for the spontaneous bravery a lot of times is us talking about it with him. Telling him we are proud of him and asking him how he felt about the bravery. A lot of times reflecting about his bravery and saying he is proud of himself is enough for him. And honestly seeing him light up because he’s proud of doing something that felt hard is one of the best parts of being his mom. My husband and I will gush about how amazing he is doing after
Sometimes we will celebrate the spontaneous bravery by giving him something extra as a result of having a really good day. This could be an extra story or song at bedtime. Or it is picking out a game to play with mom or dad that day. Drawing attention to the fact that he is brave speaking or making a big deal at the moment does not help. Tying it to him having a really good day and explaining or asking him why he had a good day works better for him.
Using the Wins as Motivation
The small wins don’t happen everyday. Some days it feels like we take a leap forward and other days it feels like we are taking multiple steps back. On the days that feel hard for both me and my son. I remind both of us about all the brave things he has done before. This reminder to him or how much he has done and how proud of him we are can sometimes help a tough day from becoming a string of tough days. It also helps me to remind me of how far he has come. The perspective helps get through a tough day.
Leave a comment below. How do you celebrate the small wins? What small wins have you had that have stuck with you as a parent?