I signed my son up for his first sports team experience before the diagnosis of selective mutism based on his interest in playing. We suspected it but were still very early in the learning process about SM. This meant he hadn’t learned good coping skills and we yet learned how to best support him.
The First Try at Youth Sports
Let’s just say the first go at youth sports was a rough try. It started with lots of excitement until it was time to leave for the first day of soccer. That was when the fear crept in for him and it resulted in lots of tears. When we got to the first practice, I don’t know that he so much as kicked the ball.
This is not to say that his lack of participation or nervousness was all because of SM. He was only 3 years old at the time. Its not like he was the only one there that wouldn’t participate. Also, even though he said he wanted to play soccer, the sport may not be for him.
Over the course of the season, I think he spent most of the time running around on a separate field from his team. No talking happened to anyone outside of me and my husband. Our wins were when he participated at all, typically with my husband right by his side. I think he participated for a few minutes in the last game of the season which were so proud of because he was not hiding from the other kids.
Our Second Attempt
The next attempt at youth sports was the following spring when he turned 4. He started T-ball for the first time. This was overall more of a success. We were more prepared to support him and he had come a long way in his brave talking since the soccer season. We also had the benefit this time of having weekly meetings with his therapist to get her ideas on how to best support him.
There were no tears about the fear of participating in this season so that was the first big win. Secondly, having the support of the therapist reminding us that repeated exposure to people will help him build up his comfort of brave talking was a nice reminder.
He didn’t talk at all to the coaches or the teammates. In practices, he wouldn’t do what the coaches asked unless my husband was right there with him so he essentially became another coach on the team that only was involved with my son. My son participated in the games but again needed my husband right by his side for everything but hitting the ball.
Even though no talking happened to his peers, I could definitely tell he had more of an interest in being involved with them. After practices, many of the kids would play on the playground at the field. By the end of the season, my son was nonverbally playing with the kids. We were so proud of huge leap in progress that he took between the soccer season and this t-ball season.
Year 2 of T-Ball
If the season 1 of t-ball was a big step from soccer, then season 2 was light years ahead. I think there were a number of reasons why the second year went better. The biggest one was that we had another year of therapy and practicing brave talking under under our belts.
Another thing was our son being familiar with the expectations. All kids, but especially kids with SM, thrive when they know what they are walking into in a situation. He knew what to expect with playing t-ball since he had already done it. Being a year older is also always helpful in the early years of youth sports.
My husband coached the team this year and so we started by previewing the season with him. We let him know that his dad would be out on the field with him but wouldn’t be able to be with him the whole time because he had to help the other kids on the team too. We worried about how he would actually react to that once practice and games start. Our therapist recommended having him practice in our yard to remember how the games worked. This got him excited about playing and he was able to participate with the team without my husband being right with him the whole time.
Watching him play with confidence and really enjoying himself was such a proud mama moment. The part of the season that nearly brought me to tears was seeing my son hang around with the other teammates and joke around on the field and run off (in a safe way) with his teammates to play after a practice or game. Watching him verbally participate was such a special moment for a SM mom.
Group Activities
Our experience for was in youth sports but what we learned could apply to any sort of group activity. After the first experience and seeing how upset my son would get about the idea of being near the team made me again want to keep him home and comfortable. Our therapist reminded us that these sort of activities where he has repeated exposure to people are super helpful. I needed that reminder to keep trying different things to see where he started to engage the most.
Leave a comment below. Have you tried any sort of group activities? How did SM impact participation in group activities?
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